Communication – The Dove Blog

Over the next 4 messages, we will review unhealthy communication patterns. It is so important to identify problems in order to solve problems.
Identifying problems is absolutely necessary just like identifying a medical problem. You need a correct analysis to get the correct action from the doctor. The prescription, the surgery, the therapy all depend on the analysis. If you have a communication problem, you need to first admit it and then ask God to help you identify the cause. You may also ask your spouse or a friend or a counselor to help. But, chances are that if you have a chronic communication problem, you need a mirror to help you see it.

In his book, “Covenant Marriage“, Gary Chapman calls these mirrors “fowls”. The dove, the hawk, the owl and the ostrich are possible mirrors to help you see yourself or your spouse. Let’s start with the “dove”. When conflict occurs, we need to be able to resolve it to have true intimacy. But, many people choose to avoid all conflict by capitulation. If you are ready to have peace at any price and never communicate your true thoughts and feelings, you will suppress your heart and mind and prevent resolution. Your partner needs to know what you really think. If you fly away from revealing yourself, you have no genuine closeness. You lose yourself and your partner loses you. The relationship will shrivel due to lack of truth. Gary points out that “peace at any price carries a high price tag indeed”.

Personalities that just want to get along and “go with the flow” are tempted to take the dove direction. Perhaps that was modeled in your original home and your family seemed to be very peaceful, no one ever fought but no one possibly communicated reality. One person may have dominated the home and everyone else for whatever reason did what was decided. Communication requires two people speaking the reality of what is going on inside their soul. You can’t have a tennis match if both players are not participating. Doves take flight from conflict!

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