Halloween and Marriage

It’s that time of year again! Candy, costumes and a trip through the neighborhood. Fun is what it’s all about, dressing up and yelling out with glee, “Trick or Treat!” At the end of night, it’s confection heaven with a chocolate blast to last for another year. Halloween is a special time of year, the end of leaves, the beginning of winter. Summer days are long gone and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. These annual mile markers in life serve to build many fond memories.

Some people object to Halloween because of the scary elements like witches, ghosts and monsters. But hiding behind a dinosaur outfit or dressing up like a fairy princess are ways to pretend for awhile. Halloween is permission to disconnect from the routine of life and enjoy an escape into fantasy. Halloween can also be a time to think about our relationships. Have you ever thought this?

If my spouse really knew me, would he or she love me?

It is possible to build walls of protection in your marriage so that your spouse could not know the real you. Those walls can be like masks that we hide behind. It is possible that the you on the outside is not the same as the real you on the inside. If that is true, it is not fun pretending to be someone we are not. Masks separate us. They can hide feelings, they can cover our hearts and they can create darkness through unconfessed sin. Fear of rejection can silence us and unforgiveness can be a harmful barrier. There are many reasons why we may not be truthful to one another.

The Holy Spirit may want to remove such things that come between our spouse and God. You know you can say anything to God and let Him know everything about you. To the degree that we can do the same in our marriage and find acceptance, it is very healthy. Are you hiding anything? Ask God to show you what needs to be revealed and seek to be real to your spouse. To the degree that our relationship is real and unconditional, we enjoy life without the costumes!

Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:23-24




Not many of us would like to be completely known. It is a scary thought to think that others could see right into our thoughts and our feelings. Thankfully, we are able to keep such matters private and reveal only what we think is safe to talk about with others. The more we trust others, the more we reveal. Probably safe to say that we don’t trust anyone so much that we are completely revealed.

In a very real way, we hide behind masks 365 days a year. We want to look good and as a result, the real me is a secret. Others see us with an image that we quite understandably want to convey. The car, the house, the clothes, the accessories are externals that can portray an identity that may be far from who I really am inside. Even our facial expressions can betray the reality within. How are you? Fine is the common answer. It is possible that we can trick ourselves as much as those who know us. We are very complex people and the ability to know ourselves is as elusive as a Halloween mystery.

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